Cain bows out

Cain's not-so-unexpected departure from the race leaves one feeling rather taken aback, even if we really did see it coming. The 'continued distractions' Cain cited are particularly misplaced, as it is clear to any casual observer that they have overtaken all mention of Cain's candidacy in recent weeks. Likewise, his ignorance in marking this as a 'suspension', rather than an outright end to the campaign, is telling: the CEO of self never bows out.

But did anyone really think that Herman Cain could actually secure the nomination, let alone the presidency? Did Herman Cain think such ridiculous things? Surely not. Despite evidence to the contrary, and the risibly genuine nature of Cain's shameless self-promotion, I remain convinced that his candidacy was little more than a minor cog in a grand mechanical plan: to establish himself as a conservative player. The presidency could wait, in his eyes; Cain has bigger things on the horizon. 

It seems laughable that the man who softly crooned "imagine there's no pizza" could come so close – and let's not allow ourselves the indulgence of forgetting that he did come scarily close – to securing the nomination. Sure, this year's GOP crop is hardly the ideal group from which to pick, but surely even Bachmann would be preferable to the motivational speaker, at least under some circumstances. That's saying something. 

Cain's one-legged stool of a campaign was destined to collapse spectacularly at some stage, and in some sense the regrettable allegations he faced simply hastened his demise. Whether Cain intended to become president or not, I doubt that he would have declined the opportunity. Something tells me his place, though, is in packed convention halls for conservative audiences – not the Oval Office. Who knows which he was intending to win?

I don't know if Cain was serious or not. Who cares? But I daresay his candidacy was a joke: that I almost know for sure. 

(Image: "Herman Cain, whose bid fell apart amid accusations of sexual misconduct, spoke on Saturday with his wife, Gloria, behind him." Scott Olson/Getty Images, via the New York Times)