Why don't I like Coldplay?

Sasha Frere-Jones explains her aversion to the popular band:

The tunes are there, usually three to an album, but that is something you could say of even their weakest contemporaries, like Maroon 5. What puts them up into some higher level of accessibility must be an averaging of Martin’s guarantee to never shock or offend anyone—which parents value—and the toy soldier brand of pageantry and celebration that underpins so many songs. Coldplay keep throwing massive parades for themselves, without explanation or merit. Some folks just love confetti.

Well put. Of course, with their new album out, we're getting a lot of people praising the band's latest work everywhere – be it on the internet or, at the higher levels, television. Regardless of how much I might like a person otherwise, I'll always get along with them that much better if they hate Coldplay as I do.